My Letter to the Toronto Taxpayers Coalition

Recently the Toronto Taxpayer's Coalition- where that scare-tactic 34% property tax increase number came from (if the budget was made of nothing else which it's.....not) announced an essay contest for 'Why your Toronto is better with lower taxes'. They lined up some conservative luminaries to support it and as a prize you can have lunch with Councillor Doug Ford, Toronto Sun columnist Sue-Ann Levy, Professional Provocateur Ezra Levant and newly instated Sun TV talking head Michael Coren. 

As someone who can't resist a free lunch (I went to Ford Fest) I thought I would write my own entry after the deadline was recently extended:

Dear Doug Ford, Sue-Ann Levy, Ezra Levant and Michael Coren:

I’m writing today to let you know why my Toronto is better with lower taxes. I know a contest like this runs the risk of preaching to the converted, but Michael is a fine example of this and one that I think we can all follow.

Since this is a personal essay, I suppose I should write about where I come from. You see, I’m 25-years-old and earn $60,000. I have no mortgage payments to make, no debt, no kids and a reasonable amount set aside for retirement given my stage.

But it’s not enough. You see, I’m a pretty independent and responsible person so I should be entitled to more. I don’t drive, so I don’t rely on all of those subsidies to build roads for cars yet my taxes pay for them. I don’t have kids yet I’m paying for things like ‘recreation programs’ and ‘daycare’ and ‘nutritional support for poor children’. I have a home and yet my taxes go towards ‘homeless people’.

Where’s your empathy towards me, the young and financially secure individual? We’re always talking about ‘social justice’ yet where is my fiscal justice? I mean, sure, I was once a child who benefitted from those programs mentioned, someone who has epilepsy and stutters, but you know what: screw those people. I’m doing just fine, thanks. Why should I sacrifice now that I’ve already used the system that got me to this point and enabled my success?

Ezra, if my taxes are reduced by $1000- hopefully from the library budget- did you know that I could buy 55 copies of this book?  Why do the critics of supply-side economic theory hate freedom so much?

Sue-Ann, surely you learned about the Laffer Curve at Rotman Business school, which states that there is a tax rate either higher or lower that optimizes revenue. What if we set it at zero? Why are left-wing kooks afraid to try new ideas?

Doug, it’s like your brother’s business card says on the back, “Self above Service”. 

For you, Michael, it’s like when Jesus spoke to Zaccheus the Tax Collector and he said, “Shut your mouth, you tax and spend liberal!”.

Modern societies and real prosperity are built on the strength of industrialists like Jeffrey Skilling, John Galt and Bruce Wayne. We must separate ourselves from the plebian parasites and capture the Hobbesian spirit that will propel us forward. As our city motto states: Divergence, our strength.

I’d like to thank you for taking the time to consider my letter- after all, time is money- and for having the courage to look out for yourself as no one else could.

Sincerely,

David Hains